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Old 06-24-2009
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Narkissos Narkissos is offline
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Thumbs down I don't want a fucking grave.

Recently, as most of you know, I lost a colleague and friend: http://www.getnarked.net/forum/showthread.php?t=8703

Mere hours prior to hearing about his death, someone close to me told me that I'd die... leaving my wife (whoever she be) a rich widow?

Why would someone say that to me?

Well... because I work hard.

I work harder than hard... and have done so for my entire life.

Overstatement? I think not.

Anyway... This isn't the first time (re: untimely death) that I've heard this sentiment... I've always burned the candle at both ends.

However, it was the first time that someone I knew... someone in my line of work, someone who was in peak physical form at that, just up and died.

Don't get me wrong... I know guys in my age group who died.

But never people with so many (read: *any*) similarities to myself.

So, it really put things in perspective for me.

But, what was the outcome of my introspection you ask?

Basically it re-affirmed a precept I've lived by for as long as I've known myself: What's the point in living a long and empty life?

My status message on gmail messenger said basically that, and it prompted a discussion with CD who subsequently messaged me.

Here is that convo:


Cognitive_Dissonance: i always keep telling ppl exactly what u said in ur nick

Narkissos: People have no idea what life's about. Most people live long and empty shells of lives.


Cognitive_Dissonance:
guess it depends on ur definition of full/empty

Narkissos: true
Most people can't point to anything that fulfills 'em though


Cognitive_Dissonance:
*nods*
They cant point to anything in their lives that fulfils them but they can often point to something that would fulfill them if they could attain it / had the balls to do it / didnt pass on it earlier in life / other variations thereof

Narkissos: *presto change-o... enter emptiness*
I was watching "so you think you could dance" and i remembered how great it felt when i was a dancer. I almost floated into a 'what if' frame of mind that would've only depressed me.

Then i got realistic.

Realized I was doing at least part of what i love instead of none of it.

...and that my life wasn't over yet (i.e. I still have time to do more).

One of my colleagues dropped dead this past week.

37 years old

Amassed one of the largest sole proprietor fitness businesses on the internet.

Was featured in magazines and shit.

Sponsored events and others' websites

The guy was huge (and quite literally, as he was heavily muscled).

I'm pretty sure the dude died feeling more fulfillment than 50% of the people in the world will ever know.



Cognitive_Dissonance:
yeah well considering how many living below the poverty line that is very true.

That figure is probably an understatement.

Who will run his fitness empire now?


Narkissos:
no one

But who cares?

You don't amass shit for others lol

Let others amass their own shit




Cognitive_Dissonance:
I dont think its so much a matter of amassing stuff for ppl as opposed to not wanting the thing u built so lovingly to die.


Narkissos:
wasted effort

everything dies

When you're not here, it will deviate from your mission statement without you at the head.

or, it will stick to your directives and die from being incompatible with the changing world

at the end of the day, all you can do is try to be the best



Cognitive_Dissonance:
that's a fairly depressing take on it

Narkissos: depressing.. real.. take your pick
I realized a couple days ago that I really don't want a grave

I don't want a place for people to come mourn

I don't really care where i'm buried

or whether i'm 'buried'

I'd like my family to cremate me and spread the ashes on a fruit tree or something like that

Because... when I'm gone, I can't benefit from being buried in any particular spot.

All I'd be doing is costing my family money even after I've gone.

All I'd be doing is reinforcing grief, by giving them a place to mourn.

I'd prefer to give them the biggest fitness empire the Caribbean has ever seen, for them to look back and say... Shit, this is who Nark was.

Not a plot in the ground.


Cognitive_Dissonance:
good plan
most ppl want ppl to mourn over them


/end convo



The point of the discussion? Well... of posting it?

Success.

Longevity.

Fulfillment.

What's your take on it?

Who wants to live forever?

What is your purpose for being here?

What is your legacy?

-CNS
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