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General Health, Wellness, & Spirituality Questions Hey.. are you new to the health & fitness lifestyle? Then this sub-forum is for you. Inside is a slew of pertinent tips and explanations to speed you on your way. Enjoy! The forum has been dedicated to the memory of a now deceased friend of the NarkSide: David "Mavsluva" Lowe. He was an inspiration for many of us here in the community. This forum serves to continue the work which David started: To unite the Spirit, Mind, and Body... in the pursuit of the improvement of self. R.I.P. David. We love you man. You'll always be with us.

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Old 03-24-2013
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Default Anger and the managment of it....

Just throwing this out there....i have an anger problem...
I tend to lose it quite quickly and can be quite scarey when i do so...always been like it but always thought it was normal lol....well if you can call pulling lorry drivers out of their cabs in the middle of a motorway ummmm normal?????
Ummm ive never hit or touched a woman but i had an argument with my girlfriend on friday and i scared her shitless and didnt even think i had :-((
I think i need to see someone for it,been looking also for some books to read...
Anyone else had a problem like this?
And no its nothing to do with any supplaments used or taken as ive been like this since my early teens........
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Old 03-24-2013
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I can relate.
I'm pretty calm in general, but things tend to build up over time with me or if someone says the wrong thing then that switch is flipped. I've been like that since I was 5 or 6yrs old. I can also be rather animated (passionate/enraged) when I speak about things that piss me off. People have told me I can be intimidating. Not that it's intentional, but it's my demeanor and kind of how I am naturally.

From your description of your argument with your girlfriend, I've been through the same thing. Honestly, I feel it's a hard thing to change, but it certainly can be improved. It takes a conscious effort to calm myself and remind myself that there's a good chance that I'm intimidating this person; especially if it's an emotional conversation as it is. Sometimes I don't get that reminder til it's over and the yelling has stopped, but my relationships are so infrequent that it can be difficult to build upon that.....

Idk of any books or another specific that may help. I just try to remember that this person see's me as an intimidating figure and that my presence, not to mention my possible anger (no matter how I 'think' I'm conveying it) can make someone feel uncomfortable.
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Old 03-24-2013
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i like this girl a lot and her telling me i was very scary kind of cut me up some....
I know i can be scary but i didnt think i was ......
She actually used the very same words mate i was intimidating towards her and shes never been so scared in her life :-((
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Old 03-24-2013
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i like this girl a lot and her telling me i was very scary kind of cut me up some....
I know i can be scary but i didnt think i was ......
She actually used the very same words mate i was intimidating towards her and shes never been so scared in her life :-((
I feel for you. I've been through that and I felt awful as well. I remember thinking, "I can't believe I made someone feel like that", not to mention someone I like and enjoy being around. I just felt like a monster and so ashamed of making her feel like that, even though it wasn't intentional.
I tried to see her point of view and realize that I can't make her feel like that again, even on accident.

I think it's good to look for a way to cope with your anger. I know it can be difficult. Hopefully she understands that you wouldn't hurt her and that it's really just your demeanor. I'd probably let her know that you're working on improving so as to not make her feel that way again.

I know it sucks, but hopefully she begins to trust and feel more comfortable with you again soon.
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Old 03-24-2013
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I feel for you. I've been through that and I felt awful as well. I remember thinking, "I can't believe I made someone feel like that", not to mention someone I like and enjoy being around. I just felt like a monster and so ashamed of making her feel like that, even though it wasn't intentional.
I tried to see her point of view and realize that I can't make her feel like that again, even on accident.

I think it's good to look for a way to cope with your anger. I know it can be difficult. Hopefully she understands that you wouldn't hurt her and that it's really just your demeanor. I'd probably let her know that you're working on improving so as to not make her feel that way again.

I know it sucks, but hopefully she begins to trust and feel more comfortable with you again soon.
thanks mate...........
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Old 03-24-2013
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I can relate. i'm extremely quick to flare up, but i come down just as quick. unfortunately it's just enough time for me to do or say something i wish i didn't.

I know it's cliché, but the count to ten business works quite well.
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thats me mate yes....its like i know i shouldnt press the button but i cant help it and press the bastard anyway.....
i have to get this sorted tho as i really like my girlfriend and cannot do that agin
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Old 03-26-2013
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Discover your triggers and get some therapy.
Nothing is wrong with you, you are NOT a problem, the issue is your coping skills and fitting them in in the world around you.

Society determines what acceptable reactions are and to a large extent we all play along, if you are an outlier to that then you have to learn to mask it or subdue it.

I recommend therapy, because a therapist can act as a guide to help you discover your own methods of coping, rather than methods prescribed in a book.
You are older, behaviours are more ingrained so you a handhold to discovering your trigger and prescribing your own solution is worth its weight in Gold.

Good luck :-) I'm rooting for you and if i ever see you near the docklands I'll collect my tenner for the advice :-)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by girlf View Post
Discover your triggers and get some therapy.
Nothing is wrong with you, you are NOT a problem, the issue is your coping skills and fitting them in in the world around you.

Society determines what acceptable reactions are and to a large extent we all play along, if you are an outlier to that then you have to learn to mask it or subdue it.

I recommend therapy, because a therapist can act as a guide to help you discover your own methods of coping, rather than methods prescribed in a book.
You are older, behaviours are more ingrained so you a handhold to discovering your trigger and prescribing your own solution is worth its weight in Gold.

Good luck :-) I'm rooting for you and if i ever see you near the docklands I'll collect my tenner for the advice :-)
Yes im looking for an anger managment therapyst now,looked into the anger managment courses i just havent got upto £1200 to pay for it....
its a lot of money....
Got a couple of books coming....
Yes my age is not a good thing with this i agree as ive been like this since i can remember just didnt think it was unusual ummmm :-(
You can collect your tenner anytime....
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Old 03-30-2013
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Do you have issues talking about your feelings usually?
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