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  #1  
Old 12-08-2010
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Default Christmas Gifts That Suck

Barbie Glitterizer



This genius of a toy basically blows glitter all over the place. Who in their right mind thought this was a good idea? I recently heard glitter described as "the herpes of crafting supplies." I didn't even think that was funny because I'm still dealing with the aftermath of "Glitter Parenting Fail '08" -- a misguided project involving glitter glue and valentines. This is the perfect gift for the child of someone that you hate with a fiery passion. But if you like them, steer clear. Yay or Nay? Hell nay.



Creepy Crawler Bug Makers


This is a product where you form slimy bugs made of gelatinous goo that spurt more slimy goo when you squash them. Then you get to do it all over again. With increasingly dirty goo. Or you can spend more money and buy replacement spooge. So let's see... It's completely disgusting, it creates a huge mess that I will be required to clean, the bugs can be used as biological weapons against sisters which will invariably lead to ear-piercing shrieks and it costs almost $50... Yay or Nay? Never-in-a-million-years-are-you-out-of-your-damn-mind.



Baby Alive or any toy that poops



Last year for Christmas, my daughter Thumbelina received a talking, moving, deeply frightening "Baby Alive" doll, which was immediately christened by my husband as "Creepy Robot Baby." The worst part? The doll urinates and defecates. I had to change that doll one time, and a new rule was instituted that my children can now recite: NO TOYS THAT POOP OR PEE EVER AGAIN. And this year, there is a robotic dog that eats and then poops out its food. And my children see it advertised and they say "Oh! Mommy can we have... Oh that's right..." and they hang their little heads because of my rule. Yay or Nay? N-to-the-AY.



Barbie Totally Stylin' Tattoo



Here's the product description: "This trendy Barbie® doll comes with over 40 tattoos! Using the enclosed tattoo stamper and stickers, girls can wear the designs or use them to decorate Barbie® and her fab fashions. It's hours of temporary tattooing fun!" Several of my best friends have tattoos and piercings. I understand that it's fairly normal -- even for moms -- to decorate one's body in this fashion. But 40 separate tattoos? Seriously? Because who wouldn't want their daughter to grow up looking like the smelly pirate hooker who broke up Sandra Bullock's marriage. Yay or Nay? NEVER EVER EVER EVER.


Moon Sand Ice Cream Shop



If glitter is the herpes of crafting supplies, Moon Sand is the chlamydia of Play Doh substitutes. And the best part about this particular toy? IT LOOKS LIKE FOOD. And yet, it is not food. So if I were to buy this product, I would spend hours of my time trying to keep my toddler from eating it, nagging my older children to clean it up, and approximately 90% of it would end up inside my vacuum cleaner by the first of January. Yay or Nay? Nope.


Gorilla that sings Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" when you squeeze its paw



Target has a big shelf filled with stuffed animals dressed in holiday garb that play Christmas carols when you poke their bellies in a special spot. They are pretty annoying and absolutely cacophonous when my children reach the shelf and then gleefully turn them all on at the same time like crazed chimps and then jump around hooting. But there is a special one on that shelf. A female gorilla that plays the Ke$ha song "Tik Tok" when you squeeze its paw. Because nothing says "the season of perpetual hope" like a primate singing "...before I leave I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack." Yay or Nay? Don't even ask.
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  #2  
Old 12-08-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StrawberrySun View Post
Barbie Glitterizer



This genius of a toy basically blows glitter all over the place. Who in their right mind thought this was a good idea? I recently heard glitter described as "the herpes of crafting supplies." I didn't even think that was funny because I'm still dealing with the aftermath of "Glitter Parenting Fail '08" -- a misguided project involving glitter glue and valentines. This is the perfect gift for the child of someone that you hate with a fiery passion. But if you like them, steer clear. Yay or Nay? Hell nay.



Creepy Crawler Bug Makers


This is a product where you form slimy bugs made of gelatinous goo that spurt more slimy goo when you squash them. Then you get to do it all over again. With increasingly dirty goo. Or you can spend more money and buy replacement spooge. So let's see... It's completely disgusting, it creates a huge mess that I will be required to clean, the bugs can be used as biological weapons against sisters which will invariably lead to ear-piercing shrieks and it costs almost $50... Yay or Nay? Never-in-a-million-years-are-you-out-of-your-damn-mind.



Baby Alive or any toy that poops



Last year for Christmas, my daughter Thumbelina received a talking, moving, deeply frightening "Baby Alive" doll, which was immediately christened by my husband as "Creepy Robot Baby." The worst part? The doll urinates and defecates. I had to change that doll one time, and a new rule was instituted that my children can now recite: NO TOYS THAT POOP OR PEE EVER AGAIN. And this year, there is a robotic dog that eats and then poops out its food. And my children see it advertised and they say "Oh! Mommy can we have... Oh that's right..." and they hang their little heads because of my rule. Yay or Nay? N-to-the-AY.



Barbie Totally Stylin' Tattoo



Here's the product description: "This trendy Barbie® doll comes with over 40 tattoos! Using the enclosed tattoo stamper and stickers, girls can wear the designs or use them to decorate Barbie® and her fab fashions. It's hours of temporary tattooing fun!" Several of my best friends have tattoos and piercings. I understand that it's fairly normal -- even for moms -- to decorate one's body in this fashion. But 40 separate tattoos? Seriously? Because who wouldn't want their daughter to grow up looking like the smelly pirate hooker who broke up Sandra Bullock's marriage. Yay or Nay? NEVER EVER EVER EVER.


Moon Sand Ice Cream Shop



If glitter is the herpes of crafting supplies, Moon Sand is the chlamydia of Play Doh substitutes. And the best part about this particular toy? IT LOOKS LIKE FOOD. And yet, it is not food. So if I were to buy this product, I would spend hours of my time trying to keep my toddler from eating it, nagging my older children to clean it up, and approximately 90% of it would end up inside my vacuum cleaner by the first of January. Yay or Nay? Nope.


Gorilla that sings Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" when you squeeze its paw



Target has a big shelf filled with stuffed animals dressed in holiday garb that play Christmas carols when you poke their bellies in a special spot. They are pretty annoying and absolutely cacophonous when my children reach the shelf and then gleefully turn them all on at the same time like crazed chimps and then jump around hooting. But there is a special one on that shelf. A female gorilla that plays the Ke$ha song "Tik Tok" when you squeeze its paw. Because nothing says "the season of perpetual hope" like a primate singing "...before I leave I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack." Yay or Nay? Don't even ask.
No pics?
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  #3  
Old 12-08-2010
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I can see all the pics fine. No red x's or anything.
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Old 12-08-2010
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They're showing now.

@ the Glitterizer
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