Go Back   NarkSide Nutrition >
The Water Cooler
> XXX: Love, SexXx, and Relationships
Connect with Facebook

XXX: Love, SexXx, and Relationships Keep it clean guys. No porn is to be posted here. This forum exists to discuss sexual issues (including relationship issues)...and sex health issues. Enjoy!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-27-2010
StrawberrySun's Avatar
StrawberrySun StrawberrySun is offline
NarkSide's Ultimate PostWhore
Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 58%
Activity: 58% Activity: 58% Activity: 58%
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Barbados
Posts: 7,294
Real Name: Sunset
Rep Power: 130
StrawberrySun has a brilliant future
StrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant future
Default Changing.

A male friend of mine is thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend because she wants him to change. They love each other, but they've had a fair amount of friction throughout the duration of their relationship.

There are parts of his personality that she just doesn't like. These aren't personality traits that appeared overnight, these are traits that were there from the time they met. Whenever they have a fight, she brings up one of his traits that she dislikes and uses that as the reason for why she's nagging him. "This argument wouldn't have gone on for so long if you weren't so damn argumentative." "I wouldn't have to nag you like this if you weren't so... *insert adjective here*" "Oh my goodness, won't you EVER stop being so *insert adjective here*"

His argument is this: "You came and found me like this. Clearly if you decided to date me and keep me around, you can live with it. Why should I try to alter my entire personality for you?"

He doesn't believe in change outright for the sake of others, and he has never asked her to change anything about herself for him. (Or at least, this is what he's told me.) He doesn't like everything about her, but he loves her and wants to be with her, so he's accepted her as she is.

He says, "If you really want to be with someone, you learn to love them as they are. Work out any issues you have with them, because you can't use their personality that you knew in advance against them. If you can't accept them or you're not willing to put in the work and stop using them as an excuse then just step off."

Now what do you guys think? How much of your 'personality' are you willing to change for the person that you love?
__________________
Apollo Fitness Clothing: Clothes that look as good as you do!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-27-2010
Narkissos's Avatar
Narkissos Narkissos is offline
Owner | Administrator
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 99%
Activity: 99% Activity: 99% Activity: 99%
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Barbados
Posts: 47,889
Real Name: Corey
Rep Power: 712
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StrawberrySun81 View Post
Whenever they have a fight, she brings up one of his traits that she dislikes and uses that as the reason for why she's nagging him. "This argument wouldn't have gone on for so long if you weren't so damn argumentative." "I wouldn't have to nag you like this if you weren't so... *insert adjective here*" "Oh my goodness, won't you EVER stop being so *insert adjective here*"
Well this is ironic.
__________________
___________________
My training journals: 2005; 2006; 2007; 2008; 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, & 2017.
My training Videos? View 'em Here!

Got a question for me? Ask --> Here!

DISGUSTING ass-kicking conditioning workouts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-27-2010
StrawberrySun's Avatar
StrawberrySun StrawberrySun is offline
NarkSide's Ultimate PostWhore
Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 58%
Activity: 58% Activity: 58% Activity: 58%
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Barbados
Posts: 7,294
Real Name: Sunset
Rep Power: 130
StrawberrySun has a brilliant future
StrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant future
Default

Now I've actually heard them argue, and much like how the arguments go in almost every other relationship on earth, it goes both ways. So while he may not tell her "Ok, you want me to change this, well I want you to change that," he certainly throws a helluvalot back in her face when the argument arises. The way I see it, if he was so 'fine with it' then he wouldn't do that. But I'm an outsider... so....

Also... I'm not sure if it matters... but they've been together for about 2 years now and have known each other for about 6 years in total.

I have my own opinions on the matter... but Imma wait and see what comes out of the discussion first. :)
__________________
Apollo Fitness Clothing: Clothes that look as good as you do!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-27-2010
Sol's Avatar
Sol Sol is offline
Team NarkSide
Points: 142,092, Level: 100
Points: 142,092, Level: 100 Points: 142,092, Level: 100 Points: 142,092, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 3%
Activity: 3% Activity: 3% Activity: 3%
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,002
Rep Power: 50
Sol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant future
Default

I learn early on not to use those arguments

Noone ever "nevers" or "alwayss"
__________________


The TridenT
is principally a website and web forum for Bajans. Not just those born and/or living in Barbados, but those persons who are lovers of all things Barbadiana.The forum caters principally to young professionals, entrepreneurs, persons looking to network and invest, and of course to do a bit of what all Bajans like to do in our spare time. Talk some crap!Visit us: www.the-trident.com
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-27-2010
StrawberrySun's Avatar
StrawberrySun StrawberrySun is offline
NarkSide's Ultimate PostWhore
Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 58%
Activity: 58% Activity: 58% Activity: 58%
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Barbados
Posts: 7,294
Real Name: Sunset
Rep Power: 130
StrawberrySun has a brilliant future
StrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant future
Default

So Sol... would you 'change'?
__________________
Apollo Fitness Clothing: Clothes that look as good as you do!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-27-2010
Sol's Avatar
Sol Sol is offline
Team NarkSide
Points: 142,092, Level: 100
Points: 142,092, Level: 100 Points: 142,092, Level: 100 Points: 142,092, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 3%
Activity: 3% Activity: 3% Activity: 3%
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,002
Rep Power: 50
Sol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant future
Default

I have no problem changing my superficial behaviors. If i dont wash up my breakfast plate immediately etc and she wants me to, or i leave my cupboard doors open and she wants me to close them etc

If she wants to force me to change my eating habits, spiritual leanings, education, relaxation etc, it has to be for the better to make me lean towards it. But i still have to do it in my own time.

I wont say im perfect with my life's goals, but im very proactive with my legacy plans, so i have never really gotten any flak there.

The major thing my gfs didnt like was my drinking. I had to cut that back on my own though. But i dont really do it now so everyone is happy.
__________________


The TridenT
is principally a website and web forum for Bajans. Not just those born and/or living in Barbados, but those persons who are lovers of all things Barbadiana.The forum caters principally to young professionals, entrepreneurs, persons looking to network and invest, and of course to do a bit of what all Bajans like to do in our spare time. Talk some crap!Visit us: www.the-trident.com
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-27-2010
Johan's Avatar
Johan Johan is offline
The UnderBoss
Points: 653,475, Level: 100
Points: 653,475, Level: 100 Points: 653,475, Level: 100 Points: 653,475, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 3%
Activity: 3% Activity: 3% Activity: 3%
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6,310
Rep Power: 257
Johan has a brilliant futureJohan has a brilliant future
Johan has a brilliant futureJohan has a brilliant futureJohan has a brilliant future
Default

I would only change if I can see a reason for it.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-27-2010
StrawberrySun's Avatar
StrawberrySun StrawberrySun is offline
NarkSide's Ultimate PostWhore
Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100 Points: 337,339, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 58%
Activity: 58% Activity: 58% Activity: 58%
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Barbados
Posts: 7,294
Real Name: Sunset
Rep Power: 130
StrawberrySun has a brilliant future
StrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant futureStrawberrySun has a brilliant future
Default

Isn't "love" a good enough reason?

__________________
Apollo Fitness Clothing: Clothes that look as good as you do!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-27-2010
Sol's Avatar
Sol Sol is offline
Team NarkSide
Points: 142,092, Level: 100
Points: 142,092, Level: 100 Points: 142,092, Level: 100 Points: 142,092, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 3%
Activity: 3% Activity: 3% Activity: 3%
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,002
Rep Power: 50
Sol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant futureSol has a brilliant future
Default

I agree with love, but i also love myself, and if im gonna resent you for my change, its best we part ways
__________________


The TridenT
is principally a website and web forum for Bajans. Not just those born and/or living in Barbados, but those persons who are lovers of all things Barbadiana.The forum caters principally to young professionals, entrepreneurs, persons looking to network and invest, and of course to do a bit of what all Bajans like to do in our spare time. Talk some crap!Visit us: www.the-trident.com
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 05-27-2010
Johan's Avatar
Johan Johan is offline
The UnderBoss
Points: 653,475, Level: 100
Points: 653,475, Level: 100 Points: 653,475, Level: 100 Points: 653,475, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 3%
Activity: 3% Activity: 3% Activity: 3%
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6,310
Rep Power: 257
Johan has a brilliant futureJohan has a brilliant future
Johan has a brilliant futureJohan has a brilliant futureJohan has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StrawberrySun81 View Post
Isn't "love" a good enough reason?

Nope, there has to be a logic to it and I have to see how I would become better from the change.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
change, love, opinions, questions, relationship


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:30 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007 - 2012, Apollo Fitness Barbados