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General Health, Wellness, & Spirituality Questions Hey.. are you new to the health & fitness lifestyle? Then this sub-forum is for you. Inside is a slew of pertinent tips and explanations to speed you on your way. Enjoy! The forum has been dedicated to the memory of a now deceased friend of the NarkSide: David "Mavsluva" Lowe. He was an inspiration for many of us here in the community. This forum serves to continue the work which David started: To unite the Spirit, Mind, and Body... in the pursuit of the improvement of self. R.I.P. David. We love you man. You'll always be with us.

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  #1  
Old 06-24-2009
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Thumbs down I don't want a fucking grave.

Recently, as most of you know, I lost a colleague and friend: http://www.getnarked.net/forum/showthread.php?t=8703

Mere hours prior to hearing about his death, someone close to me told me that I'd die... leaving my wife (whoever she be) a rich widow?

Why would someone say that to me?

Well... because I work hard.

I work harder than hard... and have done so for my entire life.

Overstatement? I think not.

Anyway... This isn't the first time (re: untimely death) that I've heard this sentiment... I've always burned the candle at both ends.

However, it was the first time that someone I knew... someone in my line of work, someone who was in peak physical form at that, just up and died.

Don't get me wrong... I know guys in my age group who died.

But never people with so many (read: *any*) similarities to myself.

So, it really put things in perspective for me.

But, what was the outcome of my introspection you ask?

Basically it re-affirmed a precept I've lived by for as long as I've known myself: What's the point in living a long and empty life?

My status message on gmail messenger said basically that, and it prompted a discussion with CD who subsequently messaged me.

Here is that convo:


Cognitive_Dissonance: i always keep telling ppl exactly what u said in ur nick

Narkissos: People have no idea what life's about. Most people live long and empty shells of lives.


Cognitive_Dissonance:
guess it depends on ur definition of full/empty

Narkissos: true
Most people can't point to anything that fulfills 'em though


Cognitive_Dissonance:
*nods*
They cant point to anything in their lives that fulfils them but they can often point to something that would fulfill them if they could attain it / had the balls to do it / didnt pass on it earlier in life / other variations thereof

Narkissos: *presto change-o... enter emptiness*
I was watching "so you think you could dance" and i remembered how great it felt when i was a dancer. I almost floated into a 'what if' frame of mind that would've only depressed me.

Then i got realistic.

Realized I was doing at least part of what i love instead of none of it.

...and that my life wasn't over yet (i.e. I still have time to do more).

One of my colleagues dropped dead this past week.

37 years old

Amassed one of the largest sole proprietor fitness businesses on the internet.

Was featured in magazines and shit.

Sponsored events and others' websites

The guy was huge (and quite literally, as he was heavily muscled).

I'm pretty sure the dude died feeling more fulfillment than 50% of the people in the world will ever know.



Cognitive_Dissonance:
yeah well considering how many living below the poverty line that is very true.

That figure is probably an understatement.

Who will run his fitness empire now?


Narkissos:
no one

But who cares?

You don't amass shit for others lol

Let others amass their own shit




Cognitive_Dissonance:
I dont think its so much a matter of amassing stuff for ppl as opposed to not wanting the thing u built so lovingly to die.


Narkissos:
wasted effort

everything dies

When you're not here, it will deviate from your mission statement without you at the head.

or, it will stick to your directives and die from being incompatible with the changing world

at the end of the day, all you can do is try to be the best



Cognitive_Dissonance:
that's a fairly depressing take on it

Narkissos: depressing.. real.. take your pick
I realized a couple days ago that I really don't want a grave

I don't want a place for people to come mourn

I don't really care where i'm buried

or whether i'm 'buried'

I'd like my family to cremate me and spread the ashes on a fruit tree or something like that

Because... when I'm gone, I can't benefit from being buried in any particular spot.

All I'd be doing is costing my family money even after I've gone.

All I'd be doing is reinforcing grief, by giving them a place to mourn.

I'd prefer to give them the biggest fitness empire the Caribbean has ever seen, for them to look back and say... Shit, this is who Nark was.

Not a plot in the ground.


Cognitive_Dissonance:
good plan
most ppl want ppl to mourn over them


/end convo



The point of the discussion? Well... of posting it?

Success.

Longevity.

Fulfillment.

What's your take on it?

Who wants to live forever?

What is your purpose for being here?

What is your legacy?

-CNS
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  #2  
Old 06-24-2009
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Dunno my purpose.

At church they tell you it's to glorify God in everything you do and people generally take that to mean they should centre their lives around the church and that doesn't gel with me. I keep asking God to show me my purpose and it never seems lead to church, *sigh* and I'm still figuring out what God + me equals. Interesting journey that.

Heck, I'm still figuring it all out. Trying to identify my talents and trying to figure out how to use them to leave some mark on this earth. To change something.

My legacy so far, is not legendary. But at least if I leave now (hope to God i don't cause I'm not nearly done here yet) I know I was a good friend to a few ppl, that I even inspired a few too.

May have lost my way a bit but I think I'm figuring it out slowly. Just need some courage to properly execute all that I'm figuring out.

I don't want to live forever, I just want to live long enough to achieve my goals and leave a distinct mark in this world. I don't want to just pass through this world, I want to help change it in some way. Before I thought this meant I had to make an impact on the entire planet, something that would be felt on every continent, but sometimes you change the world by influencing one person or by doing your best in your own corner and being an example through deeds/actions/words.
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Old 06-24-2009
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Live forever? Like on Fame?

I don't know if I have a legacy. I've left impressions, some good, some not so good, but I'd rather be forgotten than hatefully remembered.

As I have no idea when I'm going to go, I try to savour each day. I don't go to bed angry. I do at least one thing each day that I'm afraid of. And tell at least one person how I really feel. I'm trying to do everything I want to do now and say all I need to say now. People often ask me why I don't put a brake on my mouth. Why do I have to say everything to people all the time?

Because they can't hear their eulogy when they're dead.

When I go, I'd like to leave behind memories that make people smile, and a few recipes for happiness :)

$0.02
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Old 06-24-2009
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Ahhh, Nark my friend. Your melancholy ponderings on life and death are depressing to say the least. I hate seeing friends that have "What's the point" attitude towards life and death. Myself, I live for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The water of life from which you will never thirst. I have had many, many setbacks in my life. To name a few, getting into drugs in high school while I was a world champion in wrestling. I was about to get a scholarship to Stanford and blew it. I was a mess. Shortly after, I got married at a young age, 19. Had my first son at 20. My wife was only 17 when I married her. Later I was falsly accused by her brother of physical abuse on her daughter (my step daughter) who was 6 at the time. With no evidence whatsoever, social services stepped in and took my kids away and ripped apart my family. My baby son was only 11 months old at the time!!! I never got to see them grow, or even be a part of their schooling. To make matters worse, when this was going on, my wife started cheating on me. One day, I came home from work and this metro looking guy came to the door asking for my wife. I asked him how he knew her and he procedded to lie to me. I pulled out a rifle from behind the door, and pistol whipped him with it. I tried to get him inside to question him, but he got away and ran. A warrant was issued for my arrest and they caught up with me. They tried to give me 10 years!!!! Could you believe it? I wasn't some hardened criminal. Just a victim of circumstance. I ended up with a year in jail, for nothing. Years later, I rebuilt my life, went back to school, finished my bachelors degrees. But, for some reason, things still didn't go my way. My kids mom since then has always acted like a total bitch and never wanted me to see my kids. I couldn't do anything about it because social services had granted her in court all legal, and custodial rights and left me with supervised visits with a frequency of 1 time per month. What's the point? At that moment I started to get a black heart. Very bitter. Very cold. I didn't want to devote my love to anything anymore for the fear of getting my heart trampled on again. So, at this point I took time to focus on myself and rebuild any self dignity that I had left. I turned to the cross for focus. In the bible, John 4 it says: "Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: 14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life." So, I started building a relationship with the Lord. I mean, why not? He was the only one who carried me through all my tribulations and was the only one who never left me or let me down. It's been 5 years since, and I have been able to do once again, all the things that once passed me by. I'm now in Medical School, have my house which is paid for, my family is happy and well, and my babies mom suddenly had a change of heart and for the last 6 months now has let me see my kids every weekend and I even had them overnight this past fathers day for the first time in 5 years!!! I never thirsted again for any of the things of this world. Legacy??? HA! My legacy will be having my name written in the Book of Life. As for a worldly legacy? It is simply this. Never again to let my setbacks discourage me. To always love, cherish, and offer hope to all people I come in contact with well here on Earth. To never be bitter over anything tragic as my tribulations only add to my character and make me stronger. To love, help, and teach as many people as I can who are lacking of things both physical and spiritual. To never let anything of this world to get me down, drag me out or take me out of the game. It's not going to happen. To learn, live, and love for my kids, my family, my friends, so that all can take example of how to live a rightoues life and pass away happily knowing that you will leave behind, a legacy of how to live a fulfilling life so that all can know. To answer your question about a grave? I don't want one either... I want a funeral pyre. Put me on a pile of wood on a boat in a beautiful forest lake and light it on fire and let me sail away. That's how I see it.
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Old 06-24-2009
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I guess it would be to fulfill everything I am capable of doing in my life time. Leaving life by leaving, perhaps one day, my offspring with not only material wealth but an inheritance. An inheritance with which they can be proud of. I want to be a somebody, an accomplished person. I would hope that one day one could actually write my life story and my journey. Its funny I mention that because Im deeply conservative regarding my private life. Yet when I die Id want the whole story to come out. Now nearing my 30s.......I think I have a lottttttttttt of work to do.
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Old 06-24-2009
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On a side note in regards to Chris....sometimes you have to put your life on the side and just take it easy.Chill out, escape, relax, vacation. Not sleeping, working all day, working out intensly and taking certain drugs(which shall remain unstated) WILL catch up to you. Drugs, caffeine and medication mask the underlieing problem they dont resolve them.

Always remember one thing: You have ONE and only ONE life to live....take care of it preciously.
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Old 06-24-2009
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I just hope when I die no one cries over my sorry ass. As most of my friends know I dont like to be a debbie downer about things. I like to laugh about everything, and try to brighten the day of everyone around me no matter how shitty a day I personally am having. I hope when I die at my funeral instead of crying, everyone rejoices that I am dead. Not in a bad way, I honestly hope its like an unplanned comedy roast. Where friends and family come together that may not have seen each other in awhile and catch up and remembers the good times.I hope everyone at the funeral laughs their asses off at my expense. I want them to tells embarrasing stories about me. Make fun of stupid decisions I made in life. Have a laugh at something silly I did. Because if no one has a laugh then my life will have been for not.
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Old 10-07-2009
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So... does anyone want a fucking grave?
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Old 10-07-2009
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nope im getting my ass burnt to a cinder..................
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Old 10-07-2009
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^^^Ahhhh cremation I see!
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