Go Back   NarkSide Nutrition >
Articles
> Articles > Articles by Narkissos
Connect with Facebook

Reply
 
Article Tools Search this Article Display Modes
  #1  
Old
Narkissos's Avatar
Narkissos Narkissos is offline
Owner | Administrator
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 99%
Activity: 99% Activity: 99% Activity: 99%
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Barbados
Real Name: Corey
Rep Power: 712
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Angry "6 things you can do to make workouts fucking work for you!" by Corey Springer
by Narkissos 07-15-2009, 04:20 PM

Stop fucking around: 6 things you can do to make workouts fucking work for you!

img src: renewedfitness.org

By Corey Springer
AKA "Narkissos"
Owner of: Apollo Fitness Barbados & "The NarkSide" Fitness Forums.

Written: Wednesday July 15 2009 for Kurama Magazine

Yep another rant. I'm coming to your mid-stride on the treadmill. You see, I recently incurred a slipped disc just over a week ago... the second in 3 months.

As part of my rehab my chiropractor prescribed one hour of cardio per day.

That's right...no fucking bedrest... No laying on my back bitching. One hour of gatdamned cardio per day.

On top of that I'm supposed to do prescribed mobilization exercises and stretches thrice per day. My doc added self-myofascial release (SMR) on top of all of that.

No bullshit excuses. No laying down on my ass ringing a bell so my maidservant could come wipe my ass.

Nope... None of that.

My Chiro made me accountable.

She cleared me to return to weight-training two days ago... so now we're tossing an elite workout on top of the rehab.

Counter-intuitive much?

While plodding away here, sweat blinding me, my mood's turned quite bitter.

Why you ask?

Well while I plod away here in pain, a bunch of excuses I've heard from 100% healthy clients all came flooding back.


"[Insert exercise] doesn't work for me."

"I don't 'feel' [insert exercise]".

"I can't"... blah, blah, blah!


Enough already!

What.

*Can*.

You.

Do?!

That is my question to you.

In a sea of "can't"s... What *can* you do?


I've been called antagonistic before.

No skin off MY back.


So... humor me.

What. *Can*. You. Do?

*pregnant pause*
*Client refuses to make eye contact*
*silence ensues*



Ok.. Let not turn this into a guilt trip. Let's proceed under the assumption that ALL your excuses are BULLSHIT.

Proceeding under this assumption... let's try to make your workouts work!



Pet Peeve #1: "the treadmill does nothing for me!"

Yea.. of course it won't "do shit" if you set it to warp speed and then proceed to grab on to the bars while your feet chip along uselessly.

*pauses so the imagery can sink in*



I see this bullshit approach in ALL gyms. Just like lifting heavy things, people like to brag about their max. In this case, they talk smack about how fast the can go.

They turn the most natural form of exercise into a farce.


So... How can you make it productive?

Try ACTUALLY FUCKING WALKING!



Let go of the gatdamned handrest, up the incline, lower the speed to one where holding on isn't required... and ACTUALLY WALK!

Foreign concept... I know.

"How unconventional Nark."

Fuck it.

Holding on for dear life negates torso twisting, torso stabilization, arm pumping, and scapulae retraction (etc.)... thus reducing muscle recruitment.

Reduced muscle recruitment equates to reduced calorie expenditure, and reduced substrate utilization.

Need I say: /Fail?




Pet Peeve #2: "The gym is boring!"

And being fat is exciting?

I KNEW I was missing something all these years!

/end sarcasm.



Who needs a gatdamned gym?

Seriously?


Work out at home.

For less than $100 you can set up a calisthenic Utopia: 1 swiss fitness ball, 3 resistance bands; 1 floor mat; and a couple pairs of dumbbells.

That's all you need.


Not a home-body? Then take it outdoors!

Make the world your gym.

Parks are your friend gatdammit!


You.

Have.

No.

Excuse.



Pet Peeve #3: "Cardio is boring man!"

img src: 911bodyrescue.com


...but apparently so is work and school. Yet still you go there 8 hours per day, 5-6 days per week.

What's 30 minutes of cardio by comparison?

Why does cardio need to be boring anyway?

When I think about cardio, I think about it in the same manner as I think about sex... and any other thing that I consider essential to my way of life.

Would you do sex the same way, day in and day out?

If you answer 'yes' to this question... then this is the wrong article for you.

Kindly scroll up to the upper right of this window...and click the 'X' that you find there.

*pauses*


Back to the topic at hand: I'm sure you don't do sex the same way every time... You like to keep it interesting and fulfilling.

I'd suggest that you approach cardio in the same way.

...but, keep your clothes on please. LOL

  • Take up a new sport.
  • Walk outdoors.
  • Utilize trailruns.
  • Push your car for a couple lengths of the car park of the gym.
  • Flip tires.
  • Take a sledgehammer to a large tire...and smash the fucking hell out of it.
  • Jump rope.
  • Wrestle with your kids or significant other.
Hell, the options are endless!!!


Pet Peeve #4: "I don't have the time!!"

When I hear this one, I usually immediately start to stare at the ceiling... waiting for an archangel to smite me for having unkind thoughts.

It never happens fortunately.

Anyway... I'd put this question to you: How much television do you watch?


Heck... I've got a couple more questions:

How much time, outside of work/school, do you spend in front the PC?

How many nights do you hit the bar with your mates?

How many times per week do you go to the movies?

Do you have time for video games and/or computer games?


img src: facebook.com (irony of ironies)

If any of these options consume more than 15 minutes daily... then you have MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO EXERCISE.

It doesn't take 90 minutes per day... 30 minutes will do.

Find me 30 minutes, and I'll find your inner slim person.



Pet Peeve #5: "I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing!"


An FYI: You're in good company... as most people who join gyms have no fucking clue what they're doing.

Heck, most of the people who've been going to the gym for years still have no clue.

I've come and found people doing the same shit day in and day out for 2+ years... who look the same way 2 years later.

Sometimes they aren't to blame entirely.

Most of the time however, they are.

Some people stick with personal trainers who do nothing for 'em... Why? Because they're comfortable with 'em.

Some people have personal trainers who train 'em really well... but have no clue when it comes to dieting. So these people lose no fat.

Some people come to the gym simply to socialize.

The good thing is, you don't *have* to be one of these people.

You have a hand in whether you fail or succeed.

My advice to you would be that you decide why you're there from the minute you first join.

Pick a personal trainer who has a track record of getting people in shape... Personality be damned.

You want results, not a fucking cuddle-buddy.


Pet Peeve #6: "This shit fucking hurts!"

Get over it.

/end


This has been a NarkSide rant.

Regards,

-Corey Springer
AKA "Narkissos"
Owner of: Apollo Fitness Barbados & "The NarkSide" Fitness Forums
__________________
___________________
My training journals: 2005; 2006; 2007; 2008; 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, & 2017.
My training Videos? View 'em Here!

Got a question for me? Ask --> Here!

DISGUSTING ass-kicking conditioning workouts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Reply With Quote
Views 11859 Comments 23
Total Comments 23

Comments

  #11  
Old 07-20-2009
newdawn's Avatar
newdawn newdawn is offline
Jr. Fornicator
Points: 2,239, Level: 30
Points: 2,239, Level: 30 Points: 2,239, Level: 30 Points: 2,239, Level: 30
Level up: 39%, 61 Points needed
Level up: 39% Level up: 39% Level up: 39%
Activity: 1%
Activity: 1% Activity: 1% Activity: 1%
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 69
Rep Power: 14
newdawn is just really nicenewdawn is just really nicenewdawn is just really nicenewdawn is just really nice
Default

At the end of the day, exercise is just like Buckley's - It tastes awful but it works... Your choice, peoples.

(Nark too love a rant!)
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-20-2009
Narkissos's Avatar
Narkissos Narkissos is offline
Owner | Administrator
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 99%
Activity: 99% Activity: 99% Activity: 99%
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Barbados
Posts: 47,889
Real Name: Corey
Rep Power: 712
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Default

My exercise tastes quite good.
__________________
___________________
My training journals: 2005; 2006; 2007; 2008; 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, & 2017.
My training Videos? View 'em Here!

Got a question for me? Ask --> Here!

DISGUSTING ass-kicking conditioning workouts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-21-2009
NightTrain's Avatar
NightTrain NightTrain is offline
Member of the month - October 2010
Points: 123,251, Level: 100
Points: 123,251, Level: 100 Points: 123,251, Level: 100 Points: 123,251, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 9%
Activity: 9% Activity: 9% Activity: 9%
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Louisville, Ky
Posts: 5,282
Real Name: John
Rep Power: 106
NightTrain has a brilliant future
NightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant futureNightTrain has a brilliant future
Default

i love my gr8 tasting excercise
__________________
Member of the Month: August 2009
Member of the Month: October 2009
5% off your entire order @ trueprotein.com--- use discount code JWG401
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-04-2009
Narkissos's Avatar
Narkissos Narkissos is offline
Owner | Administrator
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 99%
Activity: 99% Activity: 99% Activity: 99%
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Barbados
Posts: 47,889
Real Name: Corey
Rep Power: 712
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Default

I'm bumping this thread for the whiny bitches the world over.
__________________
___________________
My training journals: 2005; 2006; 2007; 2008; 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, & 2017.
My training Videos? View 'em Here!

Got a question for me? Ask --> Here!

DISGUSTING ass-kicking conditioning workouts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-04-2009
956Vette 956Vette is offline
Jr. Fornicator
Points: 7,886, Level: 62
Points: 7,886, Level: 62 Points: 7,886, Level: 62 Points: 7,886, Level: 62
Level up: 12%, 264 Points needed
Level up: 12% Level up: 12% Level up: 12%
Activity: 6%
Activity: 6% Activity: 6% Activity: 6%
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 63
Rep Power: 13
956Vette is on a distinguished road
Default

One day Nark, I will show you how it's done in the gym

Keep it up!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-04-2009
Narkissos's Avatar
Narkissos Narkissos is offline
Owner | Administrator
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100 Points: 10,275,039, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 99%
Activity: 99% Activity: 99% Activity: 99%
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Barbados
Posts: 47,889
Real Name: Corey
Rep Power: 712
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Narkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant futureNarkissos has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 956Vette View Post
One day Nark, I will show you how it's done in the gym
I look forward to it Tex
__________________
___________________
My training journals: 2005; 2006; 2007; 2008; 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, & 2017.
My training Videos? View 'em Here!

Got a question for me? Ask --> Here!

DISGUSTING ass-kicking conditioning workouts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-04-2009
Prada's Avatar
Prada Prada is offline
Retired Super Moderator
Points: 147,882, Level: 100
Points: 147,882, Level: 100 Points: 147,882, Level: 100 Points: 147,882, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 71%
Activity: 71% Activity: 71% Activity: 71%
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 6,462
Rep Power: 135
Prada has a brilliant future
Prada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant futurePrada has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narkissos View Post
I'm bumping this thread for the whiny bitches the world over.
Especially in E.London!

bump!!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-24-2010
Hero's Avatar
Hero Hero is offline
Sr. Fornicator
Points: 3,814, Level: 41
Points: 3,814, Level: 41 Points: 3,814, Level: 41 Points: 3,814, Level: 41
Level up: 10%, 136 Points needed
Level up: 10% Level up: 10% Level up: 10%
Activity: 20%
Activity: 20% Activity: 20% Activity: 20%
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 151
Rep Power: 13
Hero is on a distinguished road
Default

Nice Rant............BUMP
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-24-2010
Lynx's Avatar
Lynx Lynx is offline
VIP Member
Points: 39,676, Level: 100
Points: 39,676, Level: 100 Points: 39,676, Level: 100 Points: 39,676, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 6%
Activity: 6% Activity: 6% Activity: 6%
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 818
Real Name: Lee-Anne
Rep Power: 31
Lynx has much to be proud ofLynx has much to be proud ofLynx has much to be proud ofLynx has much to be proud ofLynx has much to be proud ofLynx has much to be proud ofLynx has much to be proud ofLynx has much to be proud of
Default

Nice article
__________________
Purple Rocks!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 08-29-2010
CBGB's Avatar
CBGB CBGB is offline
Jacked Fatty Moderator
Points: 91,068, Level: 100
Points: 91,068, Level: 100 Points: 91,068, Level: 100 Points: 91,068, Level: 100
Level up: 0%, 0 Points needed
Level up: 0% Level up: 0% Level up: 0%
Activity: 9%
Activity: 9% Activity: 9% Activity: 9%
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,261
Real Name: God
Rep Power: 142
CBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant future
CBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant futureCBGB has a brilliant future
Send a message via MSN to CBGB Send a message via Yahoo to CBGB
Default

Bump

Had to look this up and show it to a coworker today.
__________________
What I lack in compassion I make up for with my lack of compassion
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
bullshit, cardio, diet, fat-loss, fitness, forum, fuck excuses, health, muscle-gain, narkside, nutrition, rant, weight-loss


Currently Active Users Viewing This Article: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Article Tools Search this Article
Search this Article:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:05 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007 - 2012, Apollo Fitness Barbados